No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
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