Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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