Barsexuality is the new black.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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