She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
