I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
