i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
