that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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