hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
