I wanna passion pit in your ass
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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