I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
