If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
