god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
