Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
