If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
