I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
