The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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