"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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