My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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