Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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