Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
