anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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