how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
