if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
