okay pat passed out under dana's car
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
