I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
