Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
