He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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