i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
