I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
