i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
