You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
