I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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