I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just want to make out with him forever
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
