hell yes lets make some ravioli
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
