That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
