Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
