I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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