Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
They took my balls.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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