Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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