ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she looked like the before picture.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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