I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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