Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
