i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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