I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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