You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
