i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
