I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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