All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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