Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's blow job season.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
