Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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